Joy

We were fortunate enough to get to travel up to Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina last week to experience an actual fall, complete with multi-colored leaves, cooler temperatures, and unique fall-themed activities. We stayed with Ben's grandmother, who was kind enough to open up her home to us for four days. She's really fun and such a trooper to host our wild little bunch!

I'll confess something. The main reason I wanted to go up North was to find God. I haven't been sure of much lately, but I always feel closer to God when I'm in his beautiful creation. Not that Florida isn't beautiful in it's own way, but after living here thirty years, I'm used to it.
So I wanted the mountains, I wanted the beauty. I wanted to be reminded that God makes beautiful things.

When I was a little girl, I'd go stay with my Gran in Franklin, North Carolina, just a few miles away from where we just were. When things were bad at home, Gran was my safe harbor. I spent so many summers up there with her, experiencing all of this beauty and realizing that there must be a God, because places this beautiful couldn't be an accident.

My heart got to heal a little on this trip. I saw fall, I lived and breathed fall, and I was reminded of God's magnitude. Sometimes it's healing just to stand on a giant mountain and feel small. What a perspective changer. I was able to experience joy, something I have been praying for fervently ever since we stopped trying to grow our family. I have been so incredibly sad. But this trip made me feel excited about something. It made me realize that we can do this again. And two kids is easier to travel with than a whole van full. We can go places, we can experience new things, the four of us. And that's something to be excited about in it's own way. I've been in a mourning period for a while now, mourning my hopes and dreams that must change. But being back in my favorite place reminded me that just like God's word promises, joy indeed comes with the morning. I'm going to keep praying for this joy.

I still don't exactly know what the future holds for us. I don't know if we'll keep homeschooling next year or if I should go back to work or what God wants from me. But I pray I'll experience his joy on the road to figuring it all out.