You made it through your first Thanksgiving without her. Without him. Your loved one that passed. Maybe Thanksgiving was a welcomed distraction from the sadness, the heartache. Or maybe it was so hard. Being around so many happy people, people trying to carry on normal conversations with you. Maybe it took every ounce of energy to fake those smiles, to pretend that the grief was not constantly on your shoulder. Maybe the food had no taste in your mouth, maybe you couldn't wait to get back home where everything was at least familiar and you didn't have to pretend.
But you did it. You showed up and you smiled and you hugged and you put nice clothes on and you did it.
And that's amazing.
Maybe you're heart was racing and maybe you had to stop at a park and get some fresh air and just pray for God to give your heart peace.
Yeah, maybe that was you.
And that's amazing too.
Holidays are hard.
It's okay to feel joy.
It's okay to also feel sad and confused and lonely and overwhelmed and guilty for smiling because your loved one is gone.
It's okay.
Hug often. Surround yourself with those that love you. Those that will make you a hot cup of tea and just love you.
And give yourself permission from here on out to avoid situations where people like to stir up strife. It's okay to say no to those events. Guard your heart, dear one.
Christmas is coming. You are going to do just fine. It will be hard. You will be sad. But there is joy to be found, I promise you that much. Take in the lights. The smells. The sounds. Allow yourself to remember. Even if it's been years since your last Christmas together, it's okay to remember.
