A thousand changes

We've met with our listing agent. Signed contracts. A photographer comes out this weekend, and then just like that, our home will be for sale. We've been working toward this day for years. We've painted. Painted again. Renovated the kitchen. Two bathrooms. Landscaped. Landscaped again because Florida's sun is cruel. Now it's time.
As I signed the papers last night, my heart started to race. "OMG, we're selling our HOME! What are we doing? What if we don't find a home to buy in time? Where will we live? What are we DOING?!?!?"...were just some of the repetitive thoughts in my head.
We're excited to move back to our home town. To be closer to our church and our doctors and L's school and Ben's work and our people. To be able to go to Target without having to drive an hour round trip.
But new is scary, even if it's good. I look at my two littles and I fully realize that every decision I make will affect them, in one way or another. This is big stuff.
As I was panicking last night, I felt God whisper to me. "I will take care of you. Do you believe that? Because you should. It's as simple as that." And that reminder, along with binge eating some peanut butter, calmed me down.
We're going to be okay. This is going to be good. There are a thousand changes going on right now, in our family, in our finances, in our roles, but He's got us and it's going to be good.

We don't do tv anymore

Yesterday the kids and I went to Wal Mart (which may as well be an Olympic sport these days, let me tell you). Apparently at Wal Mart they have people trying to sell you things in addition to all of the things you can buy on the shelves. We were walking near the electronics when a young man asked me what kind of television provider we use. I smiled and said "Oh, we don't do tv anymore." I may as well have told him we live on the moon or sleep standing up. He couldn't hide his shock. "But...what do you do for FUN?" came out of his mouth almost immediately. I told him I've recently gotten into running again. He looked at me skeptically and said "Well, you look happy."

He's right. For the first time ever, I think I'm truly, genuinely happy. Letting go of what I thought I needed, enjoying life for what it is, connecting with people I love, it's changed me. I don't have crippling anxiety anymore. I feel healthier and less rushed and more intentional about my life. I don't obsess over my size or my looks or over how many people like me. I'm finally finding my worth in the Lord, not in anyone or anything else.

It's amazing. I think for the first time in my life, I am okay with me.